Sleep

Lately that's all Daddy does, is sleep. Every day it seems to be the same. I show up, he might be awake, but usually not. I clean up his breakfast dishes, I make him a muscle milk, I fix his blankets and I sit down in the chair next to his hospital bed and start to read until he wakes up. He always wakes up scared, no matter what when you wake him up he reacts all jumpy and out of breath. It scares me too, what kind of nightmare did I wake him up from for him to wake up so harshly? I don't need to ask myself that question though because I know exactly what kind of nightmare, I share them. It's hard to fall asleep when you know your sleep will be restless and everything you're scared of waits in your dreams. I fall asleep and sometimes I see Daddy back in the hospital ons respirator and sometimes I see him in a casket, I imagine his nightmares are about waking up post-op all those times... Not able to speak or move or breathe on his own... So horrible. I just wish he could really sleep, quality sleep, sleep he needs to badly...




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