New Problems, New Sadness

Yesterday, Daddy woke up with both of his legs being more swollen than normal and his left looking almost like mild pictures of elephantitis I had seen in my genetics courses. I helped him get changed and washed up today and his legs, where he has limited sensation to begin with, we're giving him so much pain he couldn't lift his leg high enough for me to take his socks off. He tried so hard to, but I could see the tears about to pour from his eyes and I made adjustments. Tomorrow my mom and brother have to take him down to a crappy little building just outside the hospital we normally go to (because insurances suck) to get an ultrasound of his leg to rule out or detect a blood clot... But with all the swelling, I am terrified that his lone kidney has started to fail... And it seriously pains me to think about it because out of his children, my brother is the likely tissue and blood match for him, and my brother is far from a healthy individual, I am afraid that his kidney might not be healthy enough for transplantation... Even though I know my brother would be more than willing to give Daddy a kidney, just like I would be. I just hate how much new pain Daddy is experiencing... It's worse than ever, his patience is as low as ever, today I really thought he would've given up and let tears come out if I hadn't of been there.




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Haven't written in a while...

Main reason, I've been busy... And sick. I believe that stress makes you sick and I am living proof. All the stress in my life has caused my body to fight back, with a cold, then two straight weeks of pure exhaustion, followed up by the worst migraine I've ever had in my life. Making a doc appt tomorrow to figure out what the heck I can do to fix it :-/ considering the stress isn't going anywhere!!
Dad just gets worse, bed sores, still has a bad shingles sore that is showing signs of infection, each round of chemo is worse than the last. With this round (he's in last week of round 7) he has had such bad acid reflux that he can barely eat or sleep... Two things a cancer patient needs desperately.
I know it's a selfish thing to say, but I just wish... If he has to get worse... If itd wait until after my wedding (oh ya, I got engaged on the 16th:) ) even though he can't walk me down the aisle or dance
with me... I still need my daddy there to lift my veil and to hand me off.
On another note, at least baseball season has started, gives daddy something to look forward to each day.
Until I find time to write again, farewell




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