Tuesday, December 25, 2012

What a Weird Christmas

This morning, I woke up early and made my family a big breakfast spread of French toast and eggs and bacon. When my mom came down from waking up, she pulled me to the side and asked me for a favor. This favor was for me to take as many pictures as possible, I didn't question her, but she followed up by saying, "this could be our last one." I guess I hadn't been thinking of it that way, I had been focusing on the fact that Daddy was home and not in the hospital like last Christmas. That he can get out of bed now, where last Christmas he was bedridden. I had never let the thought enter my mind that Daddy might not make it to another Christmas...

After losing my Pa the day before Christmas Eve, my psyche couldn't handle even talking about it any further with my mom. However, as the day went on I started to think about it... She was completely right, I needed to cherish the moments in today as best I could. I think I did. We had a lot of fun opening gifts, Daddy had us all laughing as always. I kind of dont want to fall asleep now though, I don't want to ever have to look back on this day as the last Christmas with my Daddy....

Merry Christmas

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Monday, December 17, 2012

Lately it's Been Rough

A little over a week ago, my grandfather (Pa-88 years old), had a pretty major abdominal surgery. He only started waking up yesterday, we thought that was a good sign until today when his kidneys decided they didn't want to start working right again. We are all preparing for his passing any day now... This is especially hard on my mother and I hate watching her go through this. Her and I have mastered how to emotionally handle "preparing for the worst", because it is our daily reality with Daddy. But to have to do it for her father too... She's been having a rough go of it. She asked me, "how can I handle losing my father and maybe my husband all in the same year?"
I didn't and couldn't answer her. How could I? I love my Pa, but I know that he, unlike Daddy, has lived a long and eventful life. Yes, I'll be extremely saddened if he dies, but I will be able to cope with it very easily. That sounds terrible, but death has become as easy a thing for me to talk about as the weather, and I'm glad it has. I need to be able to handle whatever happens. So I know that I will shed tears for Pa, but most of my tears will be for Momma...

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