Its' not okay that the doctors didn't find the cancer until it was too late, when now we know his previous signs should have been further investigated.
It's not okay that the first surgeons said surgery was impossible.
It's not okay that Daddy had to endure all of that pain, what did he ever do to deserve that?
It's not okay that my mom is left alone to deal with never ending bills and heartache from my brother.
It's not okay that my father didn't get to see me on my wedding day.
None of this is okay.
None of it, so how can I ever be at peace with it all?
I just can't comprehend how the past almost 4 months have even happened, like, what were we even doing? I must have an autopilot switch that I know nothing about. I honestly just can't understand what I;m supposed to do, when everywhere I turn is a reminder. I don't try to think about him, I just do, it cannot be stopped.
I can only pray that my future will be easier, because I really don't think I could handle anymore heartbreak. I don't think my mother or brother could either.
I've been listening to this song a lot lately, it's from one of my favorite bands from growing up, the Ataris.
This song is just so perfect, The Hero Dies in This One.