haven't written in months....

I apologize to any readers who have been disappointed that I have not written since Valentine's Day. I have been trying really hard to keep myself busy and pushing forward over the past 8 months. Today I felt the need to blog in order to get through this day. I have felt my father's presence a lot lately, encouraging me and guiding me, letting me know that I am making the right choices for myself, no matter what others may think. I can see him in my dreams and feel him in my heart---sometimes weighing it down and sometimes lifting it up. I am just so baffled today, but how I ever made it this far. I honestly have no idea where the strength has been coming from, I still doubt myself every day, I know that at any point my knees could buckle under me and I could fall to the ground in complete pain and sadness. Somehow I have managed to wake up, work, workout, sleep, repeat... sometimes with some fun and relaxation included too which is a miracle at times... I'm amazed. Then there are other days, like today, where I could feel the sadness that the 27th of the month brings, since mid last week, where other months it's just a thought when I see the date. Today it's much more, and I just keep telling myself that if I can get through the day, and get to my pillow, that everything will be alright.