Valentine's Day

Daddy never did much for Valentine's Day, maybe he would buy Momma her favorite chocolates, and sometimes even a new book. But as long as I knew him, he never went over the top for the holiday. Anyways, I decided it had been too long since I had gone to see him... then I realized I hadn't been to see him since Christmas... so I hadn't been there this year at all, what the hell is wrong with me. How could I possibly do that? I don't know, but I felt horrible. Ken and I got him a small balloon and some roses to stick into the snow, the snow that the church had not bothered to clear, and mine were the only footsteps in it... no one had been to the cemetary at all since the snow... how awful a thought. I climbed through the snow to Daddy's spot on the columbarium, and the wreath that someone (not sure who) had sent for Christmas was there, along with the bells and flowers we had brought for Christmas. All completely dead, all still there... what the heck. I vowed then and there that I would never let this much time go by ever again.


Then I realized if Ken and I get our way with what we want our future to look like at the end of this year, it would be even longer periods of time before I got to see Daddy... this thought makes my stomach churn. His spot in the columbarium doesn't even have his name on it yet (nameplates are only made and placed in the spring and summer time for whatever reason..dumb) and I'm the only person that had been to see him in 2 months time... who will come see him if I don't live here anymore? I can't think about that now, but I just had to write it out and get it out of my head for the time being.


It's been a rough couple of days over this, hopefully the week gets better.


<3